I feel little to no motivation. I’m not sure if this is a result of juggling – my day job, freelance work, my husband opening a business, inching closer to opening my own business, extra-curricular committees, and still trying to have a social life – or the winter weather. My guess is it’s probably a decent mix of both.
I’m the kind of person that loves loading up the calendar with things to do, and yet when it’s full, I voice regularly my desire to have a day to do nothing.
This is one of those rare days I can actually do almost nothing, if I wish. I may or may not be needed at the brewery for a few hours, but aside from that there is nothing I have to do. There are plenty of things maybe I should do.
We need to get our finances for the coffee shop sorted and to our CPA so he can file our taxes. There are a few events in the works at Native I could be planning and prepping for. There will be a meeting for our neighborhood association in a little over a week – there’s a few notes I need to type up in order to bring up event plans at that meeting. Our house could almost always use a little tidying; partially because I’m a clean freak, partially because our two dogs care little about how much hair they leave everywhere.
However, none of these things must be done, not at the moment. So I have a day to sit and relax. But when I sit and relax, I feel like I should be doing something.
I told Jackson the other day that I am bored. Not in the sense of “there’s nothing to do” bored. More like “there’s so much to do but I don’t want to do any of it” bored. But when I sit and take a moment to breathe, I feel guilty. It feels necessary to get back in motion and do SOMETHING.
Is this a result of burn out? Have I pushed myself so hard that the desire to continue to move forward has subsided? Or is it the winter weather affecting my mood, a sense of seasonal depression settling over me that freezes my motivations the same way the temperature outside has frozen the girls’ water bowl in the backyard? Will warmer temps thaw my feelings as it thaws the ground?
I hope so.
Whether you’re a business owner suffering burnout or someone who suffers from seasonal depression, I just hope you know that you’re not alone in your feelings or lack thereof. And I hope this particular “in-between” feeling passes as the days grow longer and the earth turns greener.