I’ve got to get back to writing for myself.
I wrote these words on a small notepad recently after the thought ran itself through my mind at least a dozen times. In the past year, writing has become my day job. I love it – managing content for a community magazine and telling stories of good news. But I also miss writing just to sort through my thoughts – the reason this blog exists, as a hobby, to write simply because I enjoy it.
I love telling stories: those of other people, which I do during work hours amidst many other media responsibilities. But letting my own experiences, thoughts and feelings flow through me onto paper (or into these posts) is a way of self-discovery for me. On paper I keep only to myself and even here on a blog where everyone can read it, I pour out my musings and work through the muddled waters of my own mind, heart, and soul.
It’s different than work – rather than stringing words together to tell a complete story, I put them together in an effort to make sense of them. Or perhaps, I put them here and realize it’s okay that they don’t make sense.
I write to sort my own experiences, thoughts, and beliefs. There’s more than plenty to sort through from this past year. 2020 has been a doozy, for me and for the world.
So here I am again, on this blog I haven’t tended to in months. Here to sort through big events, life milestones, and small but important personal moments.
When I started this blog, it was in large part because I thought my words might be soothing to at least one other person in this world and that in itself would be reason enough to do it. I hoped to make at least one person feel a little less alone in the “in-between” of life – a little more okay with not having anything figured out, with feeling lost and sometimes frightened.
I don’t feel alone these days – I feel surrounded by people who share my philosophy that no one really knows what they’re doing and we’re all just trying to figure life out one step at a time. I’ve also realized that if I only make myself feel better, tend to my own heart and feelings, and make myself feel a little bit more sure about the next step when I sit and write– that is enough reason to do it.
So, I’m not here to make promises about jumping back into this blog with consistency. I simply want to use this space to say to myself, and to anyone who finds themselves here reading these words, it’s okay to do something just for you and because you need it. Taking care of yourself allows you to be a better, stronger version of yourself that can later give back and serve other people better.
In this totally new in-between phase of my life (married, in a career I love, surrounded by people who make me feel less alone), it’s okay to step away and do something solely for the sake of making myself happy. And it’s okay for you to do that, too.