The last post I wrote, a couple weeks ago, was titled “Pressure.” I had begun to feel a slight pressure on my chest, like a weight was sitting on it. I believe this was/is a result of trying to do too much. Just as I was wondering what I should do about it, I became inspired.
Anyone who knows me even sorta well knows Needtobreathe is my very favorite band. I find them inspiring for many reasons, but one is their incredibly well written lyrics. I have listened to their most recent album, Out of Body, many times. But a week or so ago when I listened, I heard things in a new way. The words were EXACTLY what I needed to hear. I am referring to three different songs (Mercy’s Shore, Hang On, and Alive) but for the purposes of this story/update I will focus on the lyrics from Alive and how they correlate to our current circumstances. I hope someone finds them as encouraging as I do – if you really want to feel empowered, give it a listen after reading.
A quick summation of the past two years: We quit our jobs to follow our dreams. A few months later Jackson began putting together plans for a brewery. I landed in my dream job. We got engaged and were fortunate enough to remodel an old home into our dream home. I laid eyes on a cute little building down the road and decided it should be a coffeehouse. We bought the building and are working on a business plan to turn it into a coffeehouse. I repeatedly say yes to things: volunteering on this committee, serving on this board, etc. I continually invent extra things for myself to do: another project for work, taking on freelance work, etc. And I am also very ambitious about how much can get done in a certain amount of time. This leads to unending home improvement projects.
Whew.
I love a full to-do list and I love to be constantly on the go. I like movement, projects and progress. But every now and then, the thrill of moving forward wears off. I stop looking at how far I’ve come, which is a dazzling sight, and I look at how far there is to go. When this happens, I take my eyes off the step in front of me (manageable) and I look up at the mountain there is to climb (overwhelming).
Suddenly I feel less like a mountain climber and more like a day hiker who accidentally stepped onto the wrong path. I am certainly unqualified to be here. Surely I need some sort of special back country permit to be here. There is no way I have enough water, or snacks, to get me through this climb. What happens when the sun sets? I don’t have a flashlight, or even a tent. Oh gosh what if it rains?!
“Excuse me! Excuse me!” I want to yell. Perhaps a park ranger will point me back in the direction of mild paths with less elevation.
This is how life has felt lately. I have nearly non-stop doubted my ability to continue. And then this song comes on and these lyrics strike me anew:
“Flashes of doubt they grow into a rage Locked out the truth, they keep your dreams at bay
Don’t stand there waitin’ for the time to come – Come on, come on, catch me, we got miles to run”
Suddenly I am empowered. Of course! Of course I am looking at things all wrong. I am using the wrong analogy. I am an okay hiker – I am a better runner. Rather than think of this as a mountain, I should be looking at it as a marathon. We’ve got miles to run, but as I well know: running gets easier when you train. Keep running, and the breathing will get easier. The pressure lifted from my chest.
Now, another important lesson I learned from distance running is that rest is also important. Recovery is one of the most essential aspects to getting faster. So while I run run run, I also must take time to sit back and allow myself to recover. This way when I get back to running, I am faster than before.
Today, just a month away from the day that will mark two years since we left what was comfortable to chase what was thrilling, I revel in the progress made. These lyrics carry me into a new way of thinking:
“We are alive, our skin is leaving these bones
Fire in the wind, we’re burning out of control
We are the children chasing wondrous thrills
Chasing a vision, baby, like we’re running downhill”
