Week Out West: Are you happy?

I don’t remember the very first time Jackson asked me the question, “Are you happy?” I don’t remember where we were or what we were doing to prompt the question. I do know that it was in the very early stages of our relationship and I remember exactly how it made me feel. He looked me in the eye, matched my smile and asked those three words that sound a lot like ‘I love you.’ He wanted to know that my happiness matched his own. And it mattered. My happiness was important to him. It’s a question that doesn’t need answering. Even speaking it means that the moment, the circumstances and the place are perfect.

We’ve each asked that question hundreds of times now; over breakfast, on a trail, driving down the road, sipping wine, on a bike ride or after a day of work. When our time together arrives at a moment of stillness and we take a second to think of what we’ve experienced together and what has brought us to that moment of happiness, we ask, “Are you happy?” It’s an acknowledgement that this is what we’ve worked for. It’s a reminder to revel in our circumstances whether it be a place, an achievement or simply each other’s company.

Our journey across plains, through mountains and over desert is reminding me to bask in those moments. The grandness of the trip is wrapped up in all of the little things that make up our day; a quick photo op of a beautiful landscape on the side of the road, looking in the back seat to see our puppy fast asleep, shadows creeping up a cliff as the sun sets, watching Kona prance proudly down the trail with a stick, the first taste of coffee in the morning.

We walked the West Rim Trail of the Rio Grande Gorge and instead of forging a brisk path down the trail as usual, we took in the vastness of the landscape before us and paused to let Kona explore the rocky cliff. We settled in for the night at Hotel Luna Mystica, a group of remodeled vintage trailers nestled in the desert where Kona made a friend in Logan, the resident Aussie.

We had dinner at La Cueva where we cozied up in a small room with good food. In the morning, we woke to a brilliant orange sky and drank coffee in the brisk, chilly morning air while Kona roamed the site.

We talked about moving to New Mexico, just as we talk about living in every new place we visit. We discussed fantasies of buying land and setting up a home with a mountain view. We sipped hot coffee and watched the sun lift higher over the mountains. I tried to dwell on that moment. It was not better than so many other moments of life. It was not more exciting, more comfortable or more complete. However it was unique, it was a moment I will never have again. I sat feet away from my best friend, watching our pup frolic in the desert bushes as the sun warmed my face and coffee began to pump energy through my veins. I was happy. I pondered that moment, its details, and was thankful.

There are many moments that make up our life. Many feelings come and go; excitement, sadness, frustration, joy, anger, etc. These moments sometimes flit by and we don’t ever recall them again. But some moments hold more weight than others and we use them to build memories of places, people, and experiences. We can let these moments come and go without giving them much attention, or we can work to hold onto the good ones for longer. Our memories are painted with the moments we savor. When we do look back at the grand picture, it will be composed of the moments we lingered on.

We can ask ourselves, “Are we happy?” Not because we don’t know the answer, but because it requires us to realize that we are and linger on it.

We took our time packing up and admired the picture around us. We had a second cup of coffee at Coffee Cats, wandered the dormant shop-filled streets and then sat down for breakfast at Gutiz.

Across a small table soon to be filled with a warm breakfast, Jackson asked me, “Are you happy?”